Who’s afraid of a big, bad beard?

San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson is putting the fear back into the beard.

Wilson’s strange mass of facial hair has become the new face of the Giants organization as the team looks to win its first World Series title in since 1954.

Although there are naysayers as to the actual power of Wilson’s beard, history has shown that hair has strange and unique powers.

Any biblical scholar will tell you that Sampson’s hair was the source of his power.

And anyone who has taken a roundhouse kick to the face can attest to the fact that Chuck Norris’s beard is nothing to mess with.

But even when a beard is dormant and not exerting its powers, there is still much to be feared. For years, the CIA attempted to undermine Fidel Castro’s grip on Cuba through depilatory plots to destroy the beard.

So as the Giants prepare to face off against the Texas Rangers (the baseball team, not the “Walker” Texas Ranger, as that would be like Ditka vs. God), Wilson needs to find a way to protect his beard.

Much like Troy Polamalu has his hair insured, I suggest Wilson do the same with his beard.

In searching for a sponsor to back the beard, I think Remington would be the perfect fit. No, not Remington the grooming product company but Remington the firearms manufacturer.


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